LOVELIEST TREASURE

You can hower over some pictures for little thoughts!
Ordered from newest to oldest.

LAST DRAWING OF THIS YEAR!!!! finishing as we started with a gift for my dear friend, of his oc Jade <3 <3 <3

LAST DRAWING OF THIS YEAR!!!! finishing as we started with a gift for my dear friend, of his oc Jade <3 <3 <3

'Accommodation'

sunflowers, yellow roses, forget-me-nots, elpis flowers, bocche di leone, bucaneve, spider lilies, red tulips, dandelions, lilies, daisies.

'Approximation'

dandelions & orange tulips.

you sweet foolish girl.

been playing again on my ffxiv eu alt, nael... it's been a few years since ive played as them so it's nice to get a look at their character again. reminding me how much i love elezen

when i was a kid i'd always think that as long as you had your queen up in chess then you had a chance to win no matter what. that's really not the case

it'd be foolish of me to change furry anju into any other animal than a bombay cat because her design IS inspired by one T_T and i was reading about angora goats a while back so i wanted to draw furry estinien as one. i think i like the dragon design more but this one fits very well too

Ysayle with the pig mask from Saw... I've had a Saw FFXIV au idea for a while but these are the only drawings I made of it (so far?) hehehe

izuru (roughly) drawings

This drawing was originally meant to be based off a photo of Cub (the band), the bathtub one... I had this idea for a while but couldn't execute it till now. Of course like every redraw I do it shifts towards being completely different and I always end up adding meaning into it. as innocuous as it looks, like everything in latrotossina there's always soemthing to look out for...
Anju, Rikku, Anita and Nael are having fun here though...

repurposing characters into ocs because it's fun... meet ujuan & conchita. this one was fun to work on because this is the equivalent of fake vintage for my art specifically, i tried to emulate how my compositions looked like in 2019

based off a cad-comic post. not the real cad comic. the tumblr parody edits one

Letting it eat at you

not to give an ounce of credit to these damn games but i was feeling nostalgic out of nowhere... specifically over these two because i still think they have fantastic designs. so mad im still not over them.

that being said and FOR THAT EXACT REASON on the top right there you can see i was playing around with ibuki's beta design but it sort of drifted off with something else. which became a new oc i guess. her name's conchita. so here's my solution to this, make the characters you miss into ocs i guess.

Something about knights

Something between knights

Today (13/9) marks the date (roughly) of Anjunien's 3 years of being the stars of my art (and heart)... :'] I have a lot to thank them for helping me improve my art these few years... it's often said to pick something you really love and see how much your art evolves the more you wish to immortalize it with all your enthusiasm for it. i hope this drawing shows you the love put into them...

I have a bad habit of hardly talking about my stories in depth outwardly, and a lot of my art of these two leads into looking more lighthearted. more and less... but i wanna take the opportunity and say how much their story does mean a lot to me. the taking of two individual characters and through all of their complexity which i treasure on their own i tried and see how they could entertwine. and not through taking anything from, but seeing what new meanings can be born from it all together... i find it especially fun to do from a writing standpoint also because one character is mine and one isn't, so it adds that something extra to work and play with for me. I hope to let it all see the light someday, but for now...

Happy 3 years to my dears... wherever and whatever they're up to i hope they're having fun and that the drinks are good LOL

'The meaning you've given me'

Find me to the point that it makes you sick

Working out a redesign for Infanzia. I tried to stress its theme of idealized memory while adding more to its design, as the last one felt too plain. The sun head is based off the clay sun face I remember being hung on the entrance of my childhood home, and another sun face incense holder I dreamt a long long while ago - a dream that took place in the same house.

Did anyone else only color the sky as a singular blue line in the very top when drawing as a little kid? I guess it took me a while to realize it was all around us, not just up above. Ahahaha

While Tarassaco is part of a narrative, i really can't leave out the fact that she is through and through the closest thing i've gotten to personifying my ocd and obsessions that are often underlining in my stories. Every piece with her has been about it. The obsession with specific figures my rituals latch onto for protection. How often do you see a specific number in my art? I am spelling it out for you.

She signifies the feeling of having your brain split into multiples, your thoughts so often not belonging to you and the ones that are still sober are mangled and subdued by the ones that are not. A relentless obsession with what you are to the world, what you give and what you signify to others, what the world's telling you. Every uncertainty and every fear is embedded in everything. How it's contorted by the horrible idea you have of yourself. And often your only solace is that little figure you've picked for safety. Dandelions are my mother and I's favorite flowers.

Word Of Mouth

Inspired by Toni Basil's Thief On The Loose MV, with some creative liberty on my part. This drawing is about connection, and how it shapes us, and for each life that touches us and that we touch in turn is born a new meaning, something new and precious to carry - even if it might be so different between the two people that share it.
But we're alive so we can have eachother, shape one another, being there to give our selves richness and meaning... there's no other way it works. and all the while people stay and people leave, their impact stays with you no matter how. this is one of the most beautiful things we have, and yet at times it hurts all the same.

'You probably don't know me, or perhaps you've heard of me by word of mouth?'
What is your idea of me? What is my idea of you?

The Language Of Flowers

'You gather pieces of happiness, precious and fragile, only to lose them. Then start again.'
Companion piece.

some of my drawings from a drawpile session with my buddies

In the far and distant future of 2004

I was trying to emulate elements of 2000s art I remember with this... considering the characters. A detail i'd notice often that was done was the act of adding a bigger, more opaque copy of the main drawing fading in as the background. and this metal grey used for plain backgrounds - very reminiscent of the deviantart grey? if the two are related? but most importantly here is the bucket coloring AHAHA when i was kid drawing on mspaint i'd constantly use the main brush and not the pencil brush so all my drawings would have the little white-grey boxes around the lines. just playing around with memories.

Sohr Ehsk, in ffxiv dragonspeak that translates to something along the lines of 'apologizing love' or 'loving apology'.
a dragon who once swore to give purpose to his immortality for the sake of what he once held dear. but because his heart couldn't witstand his grief he was instead driven into an eternal slumber - breaking his promise, and discarding himself and his eyes in the process.

be my bad boy be my man be my weekend lover but dont be my friend...

Her Respite

Bday drawing for a dear friend, of their oc Inez <3

You lie, silent there before me
Your tears, they mean nothing to me
The wind howling at the window
The love you never gave, I give to you

Really don't deserve it
But now, there's nothing you can do
So sleep in your only memory
Of me, my dearest mother

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry, oh well
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

So insignificant, sleeping dormant, deep inside of me
Are you hiding away, lost under the sewers?
Maybe flying high in the clouds?
Perhaps you're happy without me

So many seeds have been sown in the field
And who could sprout up so blessedly, if I had died?
I would have never felt sad at all
You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'
Where is the light? Wonder if it's weeping, somewhere

'Forgive me not'

'Forgive me'

LATROTOSSINA - 'Wonderland'
1/4

A sequential collection inspired by 'Latrotossina'... an 'au' story/raid series scenario for my ffxiv characters.

LATROTOSSINA - 'Exaggeration'
2/4

A sequential collection inspired by 'Latrotossina'... an 'au' story/raid series scenario for my ffxiv characters.

LATROTOSSINA - 'Myth'
3/4

A sequential collection inspired by 'Latrotossina'... an 'au' story/raid series scenario for my ffxiv characters.

LATROTOSSINA - 'Ariadne's String'
4/4

A sequential collection inspired by 'Latrotossina'... an 'au' story/raid series scenario for my ffxiv characters.

a few warmup drawings. trying to take it easy. top right is based off a 2005 shadamy illustration from deviantart titled 'Shall we dance?' rofl... was feeling nostalgic

Two heads are stranger than one.

more simple drawings, again im going through a bit of a burnout topped with perfectionism and to that i always channel it to draw the 'worst' i can. as in i scribble down simple things caring little about it looking good... it's very helpful. im just happy to be drawing them ahahahah, you gotta start from somewhere

Xenia

My heart is like an artichoke
I eat petals myself one by one
Until I feel enough
Until I lose to laugh

When I end to eat the last one
I will tear my drops
I will lose my lips

Though I can't stop plucking off
I can't see my core
I keep asking for you more and more

Can you peel my petals one by one?
Your hands are like a rusty knife
Are you gonna keep on peeling me?
Are you gonna keep on peeling me?
Are you gonna keep on peeling me?

drawing my dears as furries. always feels great... they're a bombay cat (anju) and a viper-turned-dragon (estinien).
i've been looking at old 2000s glamfur art lately and ive been feeling nostalgic. this is also the first time ive drawn these two this year! they're always a treat... i really had fun drawing this.

i wanted this piece to really bring anju out. both with the colors, the framing, and the shape of estinien's position are all meant to bring the eye back to her. to make the piece say 'you're the most important thing in the world right now'. i also wanted to make a peaceful, relaxed piece this time... alongside the previous, i want to stress the joy and bond these two share.

character explorations for my character 'Ciccina', inspired by the wind-up chimera plushie which i really like the design of... i love cartoon looking characters with a horror aspect to them.

'I want to live' pt.1. - 'Because life is worth living, even if it hurts you.'

A collection of sequential pieces based off two mgs quotes that have been central to Anju's character writing & journey. they've always been very dear and personal to me too.
this project started as a way for me to tell the both of us to carry on. ive taken a bad toll ive not been fighting back against as i should by the time im writing this, and there are very little ways i can communicate things as well as i can through art. my view of hardship is of a lesson to learn, in each life there's a set collection of lessons you need to learn and hardships you need to overcome, and the reason to not give in into them is that it's something thats carried inbetween lives until you've learned it. if i suffer now and if i struggle now, it's because whoever i was before failed to fight back against those same struggles. it's not punishment, far from it, it's just one of the reasons why we live and experience. you just can't live your life without understanding why things happen to us through good and bad. sometimes i think about who the person before me was, sometimes i think about whether my problems are things we both shared and that they simply didnt have the strength to fight back against. and so it falls to me to help our soul understand and learn. and i can understand why they may have failed because sometimes it truly does feel like it's only destined to devour you, that perhaps im not the one who's meant to grasp the lesson just yet. but i don't think thats right... im alive for a reason and im willingly trying to understand why i am the way i am through every flaw and strength and talent and failure. as long as im alive i want to carry on my purpose. the purpose i've found for myself and the purpose people have given me.

this is a feeling i've reflected in anju's journey as well. as shown here through atlas kissing her, in this case atlas signifies the shared struggle with the person before you who didn't make it. that person that has now become a reason for you to carry on, to survive for the both of you. in what could also be a selfish idealization, you find comfort in the knowledge that you can never be truly alone. that there was and always will be someone who has been wounded by the same things as you. a person you will always grieve and therefore choose to survive for because you've made it your responsibility to. even if anju finds herself detatched from atlas, she respects and mourns what their life stood for. she's reflected on things atlas never could face and things they did wrong, finding similarities and traces of them in her own life. the live dandelions of her healing and the puffed dandelions that she wishes upon. you find comfort, and then take responsibility to succeed where your past life didnt. only then can you find peace, for you and who will be next after you.

and besides all of this, i think life really is worth living. i am losing sight of this and so i am saying it again. even if you hurt in it even if it hurts you, forgive yourself and accept yourself. good things always come to you because it's the order of things. you have people and things you need or will have to live for. live on because there are things for you to learn, and things for you to love.

'I want to live' pt.2. - 'I think that at any time, at any place, people can fall in love with eachother. But if you love someone, you need to be able to protect them.'

it happens to often that when we cant process and handle our feelings, when they become too much for us, our stomach is what pays for it. each dandelion here symbolizes the piercing but bright and acute feelings that little by little erode our stomach lining. sometimes i fear this is what will take me. for the both of us feelings become all there remains in our bodies where logic and self-control leave us when we need them most, scorching our chest and head and abdomen. no matter whether the emotion is ecstasy or rage or fear, it becomes painful. to the point where any emotion is met with lingering discomfort.
each dandelion is both an emotion and a memory. things you've taken and given. each connection you've made with people whether they're still here with you or not. you notice yourself taking everyone's emotions and burdens onto yourself and then wonder why your heart feels so heavy... you do it because that's what you know to be right. because there's nothing more you'd want someone to do for you and so you give out love the same way you desperately wanted it to be given to you. but at the end of the day what OF you? has all the love been given back to you? why do you see yourself as less worthy of the same kindness you give everyone else, from yourself and those around you? this is a lesson the both of us are still on the road to understanding.
but no matter what there's the feeling that we're here to love. to love others and be loved in return. but to love means to endure and to devote and to understand it won't always be a pretty fantasy. and that doesnt make it or us any less worth to protect.

'I want to live' pt.3. - 'EVEN IF YOU HURT IN IT.'

the beast shown here is tarassaco, a corporealization of anju's image of herself and her memories, twisted by the burden of perceptions from herself and others of her warping her own image in the mirror. it's the brain twisting, idealizing and essentializing memories and thoughts leading her to lose her sense of who she really is and how things truly feel. the perfect creation to signify the things she wishes she could tear away from herself. wishing you had a physical self you could let out your rage and pain towards. an amalgamation and corporealization of everything of yourself you hate most, everything you know that went wrong. a simple strike to the head, the center of all your problems, and be done with it. but it's never going to be that easy.
you need to let yourself feel, and you need to let your pain weight. live, learn, endure even if you hurt in it. you can learn to enjoy living, you can understand it's worth living. you can love and be loved everyday and everywhere. even if you hurt in it.

healing takes a lifetime, and anju knows this all to well. she knows there are things she will never heal from, yet that's far from a torture. she'll fight against the beast as much as she has to, so she may finally put the both of them at peace.

'Cycle of life' pt.1.
The first piece of a sequential illustration collection about Estinien. i wanted to voice how i feel about his character growth in some way and i wanted to do visually. this drawing is definitely about... a certain feeling i have about the 'intimacy' you grow with yourself and your emotions as you isolate yourself into self hatred. i wish i could describe it. in a past drawing, i sort of despicted this scene in the opposite, it was nidstinien slaying estinien. this time its the other way around, and there is less elegance because this time i really wanted to show a built up feeling. rage, desire, you name it. perhaps this is the aftermath. he was tired of this, he was tired of who he was and the life he had built. he needed to detach and kill the beast grown within him. and at the same time, sometimes you desire that second part of you. you're so lonely, you're so buried inside yourself you want yourself carnally because it's all you know. loneliness, self-hatred, it's made you estranged to touch and you begin to desire. i will not deny that this illustration has some eroticism in it. is this making me sound crazy? but anyways. heavensward touches so much on how self-hatred, rage and vegeance becomes destructive to everything. the person, those around them, the world around them, everything they've built. estinien and nidhogg's character showed this so well.

'Cycle of life' pt.2.
what comes after? forgiveness, grief, and rest. nidhogg's forever a part of him, only remaining the visage ingrained in his memory. lifeless, grieved. this piece is about death and memory, and survival. deer will eat small bird carcasses if they go hungry. medusa was beheaded. the bird's life had its own meaning and purpose before the fox fed on it and its death made it no less precious. the cycle of life has its rules and it goes on.
im thinking about how nidhogg became part of estinien. his soul his memory and his body changing the man permanently. i know estinien resents what he did to nidhogg - what they did to eachother, and that circle of violence is something he'll never let himself forget. but in the end i feel he grew into loving nidhogg. he felt his heart beat as his, their bodies merged. and estinien lives on for him as well.

'Cycle of life' pt.3.
In the end comes rebirth, in the end comes memory. at the start comes a new life. the memory of your newborn sibling. estinien's memory of ferndale, the life he lived and the little girl he grieved for and the little brother they both miss. this drawing made me emotional while making it. but the meaning of it is both bittersweet and along the lines of choosing to carry on and holding close the memories you've made and things you no longer have. 'Where once I craved vengeance, I now crave rest'.

My Assassin.
A little piece based off Cub's 'My Assassin'. I think this song's meaning can be subjective, but a part of me read it as an ode to making your own superstition and uncertainty your partner. Something about it being always there, walking right beside you and holding a little knife just to remind you, you might as well make it your best friend in the whole wide world. The line featured in this pic most reasonated with me... anxious and superstitious as I am, everything's really just so precarious! And dearest little thing that love is, so fickle it is! It really sometimes does not save you.
I featured Anju in this picture because Cub's music reminds me a lot of her, plus she's always the star in all my little pink drawings. Also, I associate this song to her and Estinien. Make that and my personal interpretation of this song what you will. As someone so overthinking, having someone or something to ground you is a gift.

Joy, Burden, Solitude.
I actually found out through the making of this image that heliotrophism in sunflowers isn't lifelong! Which made the symbolism of this piece work more. Atlas (the one in the middle) has been the shining sun in many's lives, absolutely not excluding the other characters featured here. Yet, as their world came to an end, Atlas was powerless to save anyone. Not even those she loved most. Something about roses only blooming in sunlight, something about sunflowers only following the sun during their developmental years. Something about even the brightest of stars falling.

It rains in Mon Amour.
A concept piece for my personal project. The garden featured here has always been a key part of this story!! And the concept behind it, that for each bloom another person has fallen in love. This garden goes on seemingly forever, and is one of the first areas you're meant to encounter. This story may sometimes face hopelessness, and even this garden is met with a grain of salt by Eda, who claims to find a fault in the statement of the garden (do the blooms disappear once the love has gone? so is there really so much love, or only the memory of it?). But personally, it's really coming from a romantic view. There really is so much love in the world, whether it comes or goes.

Some U-RPG concepts. i was trying to figure out how to finalize the 4 protagonists' designs. i almost had it here i think? there's also a few references to the story here and there, like the roses and bubbles of memory. and of course, a little jellyfish. i think that sums up what i had for the story at this point. The text near MAC on the side, in the pink square, reads 'ti raccontero' una ninna nanna. la storia di una bambina che per tanto tanto tempo pensava di essere il diavolo'.

a little final postcard to make myself realize, 'you've worked on conceptualizing this project enough for now.'. silly, isnt it? it's nowhere near done. but i feel i had what i wanted for now. i think this is a good point to say where i had their designs down at this point. featuring NANA's uncovered face. and MAC smiling.

Someday I hope you'll forgive me.
A personal piece but also one important to Anju's character. She always had a bad relationship to her child self, where for a long time there was nothing she loathed of herself more. This piece of one of self-healing, facing your past and learning to put it to rest, and self-forgiveness. I've gone a long time blaming my younger self for things that hurt us both, and this piece was a way for me to apologize to her and send her way the love she needed.
I wanted Anju to get the chance to do the same with her past self too, it's something she needed for a long time. Unfortunately it's not something you ever heal fully from, but at least she got to put her pain to rest.

Character drawings of a cat fashion plushie line I saw in a dream. I wanted to make it real! They were really so cute in my dream.

Infanzia concept art.
A benevolent monster design from U_RPG. Infanzia means 'childhood'.

If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is.
Lying lost in thought, do you love me not? Follow these petal cast aloft (catch a falling star, lock it in our hearts eternally), will you when I'm gone remember me?
Summer child with heavy eyes, come our lonely angel nigh, sing in our sweet lullaby.

Medusa (transformation) concept art.
This design was fun to work on. As of now there's plenty of things I'd change as this doesn't feel... serpentine enough. I think I could push it more. But at least I think it gets the point across: it's a form born of rage and confusion, the multiple heads represent the inability to think straight - rage, agitation and sorrow make you feel as you have multiple heads all screaming at once. The bright warm colors I've also chosen based off what rage feels like to me, as well as being based off a coral snake's coloration. If you look carefully though, there are a few milk snakes around... the snakes known as the fake corals. Medusa was always highly misunderstood.
Another little detail, if you notice the mouth shape around the stomach, thats based off a little italian - romanesco - saying 'Me so' magnato er fegato'. Means 'I've eaten my liver'. When you're especially angry or agitated you feel the worst of your emotions in your abdomen.

Aracne (transformation) concept art.
I ran out of time to color this... But this is a design I very much like. It may look very detail and, well, that's part of it, but if you know the character I think it all suddenly make sense. At least to me! The details themselves are born out of overthinking and projects coming and going too fast for Aracne to hold onto, as her mind ever feels as it's going too fast for her. (This is something that comes from a personal expression, as I live my daily life with this very issue)
The roses are symbolic to Aracne, and so are the spiders due to her love of insects and specialization in black widows + false widows. The clock imagery links back to the concept of time and thought becoming overwhelming: so many thoughts, so many projects she could be making, and yet time will never once wait for you.
On a lighter note, Aracne's also very theatrical. The form's shape and positioning is that of a ballerina with some jester elements. But what about the mirrors? (That comes into play later... for Vittoria)

Pheramona concept art.
The main antagonist of U_RPG. Jellyfish can have many meanings as to why they appear in dreams, but if they're floating that's often a bad omen. Or a symbol of a bad memory.

A Christmas gift for a dearest friend of mine, of his character Jade. This drawing was fun, I wanted to make it feel like a 70s-80s poster in a way, or at least give it a palette to make it feel nostalgic. The composition is meant to give action! As if a jumbled diary entry, a hectic sketch+study collection of sorts.

My friend posts art over at @ifseis at twitter, please look at his beautiful works, they inspire me a lot!